I was so excited that April Fool’s Day also happened to fall on Easter this year. That meant I really had to up my game with Easter Bunny antics to torment my children. Oh, game on.
Young Son woke up bright and early this morning to see what EB had left for him. I heard him sneak downstairs to look for his loot, and soon he came running into my room, “Mom! The Easter Bunny came, but he left us healthy treats. There’s like carrots and stuff. What in the high heck?!” I feigned incredulity. “What?! That’s crazy business! Let’s go check it out!” I rousted my husband out of bed — this was going to be good.
Here is what we found:
The letter read:
This year I thought it was important to keep all the kids I visit healthy.
In your baskets you will find an assortment of delicious, yet healthy treats that will keep your bodies growing and cavities away. (I think you’ll find that you won’t even miss chocolate, jelly beans, peanut butter eggs and Peeps.)
I also know you are big fans of poop. Therefore, I have left plenty for you. Try it. I think you’ll find it quite tasty.
Love from your friend,
The Easter Bunny
Young Son started cracking open eggs only to find more carrots, broccoli and cauliflower. But wait! One rattled, but it was stuck! He handed it over to Dear Husband for help. I guess he underestimated his great strength because the contents went flying all over the place when he cracked it open. Young Son snatched up the loot, “JELLY BEANS!” and promptly popped one in his mouth. “YYUUCCKK!!! Black Licorice!!!” and he immediately spit it out and started wiping his tongue to get rid of the nasty taste. “I do NOT like black licorice!!!”
A minute later he frantically says, “MOM! I think I’m going to throw up! I need a bowl!!!” I sprinted over with one, but was too late. He projectile vomited all over the hardwood floor. (Hey, at least I didn’t have to shampoo the carpet.) I looked over at my husband. He smugly mouthed, “KARMA.” Asshole.
I glared at him, “You COULD help, you know — since you always seem to be absent whenever there’s puke to be cleaned up!” I mean didn’t I just have to clean up scene from the Exorcist the other night?!?
He looked like he was going to gag. “I’m not going anywhere near bad Easter Bunny Karma. You’re on your own.” I threw my rage into cleaning up the floor and tried not to hurl in the meantime.
Meanwhile, Amazon Warrior Princess came downstairs to see what was up. Young Son immediately filled her in on the 411 and she took a carrot and casually started munching. “Do NOT eat the jelly beans! They’re poisonous!!! And LOOK! The Easter Bunny pooped all over the place!!!” (In case you didn’t know, the Easter Bunny poops Milk Duds.)
I sent them up stairs to get First Born Male Child out of bed. He’d want in on this. He came down and stared dubiously, taking it all in. “What the heck!” He greedily grabbed all the foil-wrapped eggs he could find, opened one and threw it down. “It’s a GRAPE! Come ON!” Then he read the note aloud and popped some “poop” into his mouth. YS screamed, “YOU ATE EASTER BUNNY POOP!!!!” AWP scurried over and hid her face in my robe in horror. (Why is it that my boys have this crazy love and fascination with all things poop and poop emoji? It’s out of hand really.)
He finally read the last line of the Easter Bunny’s note: “PS: April Fool’s! Now go find the real treats I left for you!” He looked up at my husband and me with a knowing look and nodded. They went off in search of their baskets and were happy to find the real loot.
A little later FBMC came over and whispered, “Thank you!” I was pretty proud of him for going along with the gag to keep up the fun for his little brother and sister.
And then FBMC and YS started fighting over candy and other nonsense. Well, it was good while it lasted.
So Happy Easter, everyone. May your day be filled with GOOD Easter Karma, good food and the joy of the Resurrection.
Off to make some ham now….